I need a floatie.

I've never been a good swimmer. I always want a noodle, or a floatie of some sort. Especially in the ocean, which is big and unfamiliar and really, really... well, scary.

Life is kinda like that. Growing up is big and scary...We go into it by ourselves and unless we are freaking Michael Phelps... we can't do it alone. We swim around in an ocean of stress and school and bills and relationship problems and parents and sometimes, we just want to give up. We start to sink... we need support... we need floaties.

Sometimes you feel like you're drowning. This is one of those times.

God is my lifeguard right now, and I was stuck in the undertow, fighting Him all the way. I always do that. Last night was finally the breakdown I needed, where I just gave up, went limp, and let Him help me to safety. He gave me a floatie.

I'm giving it all to You Lord. I am trusting You like I know I should.

Why do I always think I have to do everything myself? Lately it's been overwhelming, hard to focus on anything, feeling out of control, too much, I can't handle it right now... And now, in the midst of my stress... there's an oasis. A refuge. A place to let go and say, "Thank you for helping me. I'm going to let you help me."

We do the best we can. With a little help from our friends... or a lot of help... whatever. That's what He's there for... to guide us, to forgive us, to love us. Let Him.

Now I feel supported, determined, able. It's amazing what a good cry and a prayer session will do.

Dori tells us, "Just keep swimming." That's what I'll do, but I won't forget that I have the best lifeguard ever, constantly swimming with me and wanting me to lean on Him for rest, refuge, support, etc.

God is everywhere and He wants your problems... give them up. He can handle it. Let Him be your floaties.

Swimming,

K

too soon

God took another one. He raised her and her father and sister up to Heaven for reasons we won't understand. Sometimes we don't always understand why things happen, but they do. We've lost two in our SMTI family in such a short period of time...it doesn't seem fair.

Bridget, baby- I know you've lost so many recently. But you have to know that God takes home people when they're supposed to go. Things happen and we can't find plausible reasons. As humans, we don't get it. Why Libby? Why Victorya? Why Alex? Why Rachel? One day we'll know why, and we'll rejoice with them. My heart is with you, I love you so much.

People die every day. But instead of thinking they die, I think they reach a glorious destination. And while we suffer our losses and cry jealous tears, we have to give them to God. They are absolutely ecstatic to be in the arms of Jesus and we'll join them when it's time.

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

---Eskimo Proverb

Thinking of Rachel, Victorya, Papa, Mr. Richard, Libby, Alex, Grandaddy, Grandma: see you when I see you. Love you.

K

enough.

Some girls never know when enough is enough. I passed this girl the other day on the way to my class...now that's not to say I'm being all lesbian or whatever, I just noticed how tan her legs were, instantly got jealous, and had to look at the rest of her. She should have been beautiful. In her natural state, I'm sure she's gorgeous...but she just tried so dang hard. Her hair was so blonde it was almost white. Her skin looked like it belonged to a carribbean woman who works on the boat docks every day. And her size? Maybe a negative ten. When is enough really enough? We all suffer from insecurities, like, "Oh I'm too fat" or "I'm so bad at school," or "He won't like me because____." That is SAD. I constantly have friends telling me to love myself from who I am, and I want to pass along the message. There are too many girls that sit there and compare themselves to airbrushed pictures of Heidi Klum and it's just sickening. Tanning alone is the WORST. It's CANCEROUS yet we still lay in those little beach pods every day trying to be sun-kissed and gorgeous...in twenty years, our skin is gonna look like rubbery, wrinkly, cowhide...oh, and just the huge risk of skin cancer..no big. Is it enough yet? Throwing up all of our food because we aren't a size zero...the lining of our esophagus and throat..distroyed. Is it enough yet?

What about healthy, happy, fun, natural beauty? Do you really want to look as skanktastic as Meagan Fox? God made us as we are...and loves us as we are. One of my friends told me last year, when I was feeling really low, "You are the crown creation..." and she's right. God made women to be the most beautiful and precious thing on this planet. Let's agree with him.

The founder of Buddhism once said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Kudos, Prince Siddharta.

love me,

love you.

K