...oops.

Soooooo I'm dumb. I'm not deleting it because I feel that I was honest and raw, I said a lot of things about friendship that I was feeling at the moment. This blog was meant to serve as an outlet for my thoughts and emotions when I cannot use performance as an outlet...I forget that anyone and everyone can see it. I want to correct something. The phrase "I want nothing to do with these people" or whatever I wrote in the heat of the moment is entirely NOT true. I love them. I care so much about them. Both of them. I will always love them and care for them as if nothing ever happened. I was angry, and what I really meant to say was, "I don't want anything to do with the HURT...the situation...or the drama....surrounding this group of people." Notice the subject in the sentence, "I'm dealing with a hurt centered around a group of people that I want absolutely nothing to do with" is HURT. not group of people. I say "group," I mean "two of the most loved and loving friends I have ever had." I am just so sick of the drama. Seriously, I think everyone is. But we're moving on, getting past whatever weirdness might be occurring. And it's okay. This can't last forever...we're better than that, I hope. People make mistakes. The real test of a friendship is whether or not it's worth it to try to repair it, to forgive...I love you both.

Lesson of the week: Don't blog when enraged. (DUMBEST IDEA EVER.)

Lesson of the day: Forgiveness equals love. On both sides.

Lesson of the year: Think before you act....ahem.

The previous post was also to address friendship in general...how some people just completely disregard one another and how hurtful that can be. Not just with my life and my situation, but the rudeness of the world in general. What kind of friend do you want? Why is it okay to hurt your friends? It's not, and it sucks...but you move past it, right? I guess I was not as articulate in my outpoor of frustration when I talked about the low quality of friends these days. What I truly failed to mention, however, is that I have some of the most incredible friends on the planet...those people know who they are.

I'm sorry, I forgive you, I love you, Please forgive me, This is stupid

Meow.
K

P.S. Another tidbit.... Trust is key in good friendships. Let's get that back, shall we?

Like a Lily Allen Song

She really says it all, doesn't she? I wish I could say things like that...I think I'm too nice. I don't think I have ever been as furious as I was the other night. It overwhelmed me. Still trying to move past that, I guess.

I wish people could believe in people.
I wish people could trust people.
I wish friends knew how to be friends.
I wish life was as easy as a Lily Allen song, as if we all could say, "whatever" and move on.

But life isn't like that. When we get hurt, it stings for awhile. Even though we know we'll eventually submit to that incredible power of forgiveness and humble ourselves in the end, it stings. We ask ourselves, Why would this ever happen to me? Maybe its Karma. Maybe it's a lesson....I am a big believer in that whole saying, "Everything happens for a reason..." and I know that everything God gives you is either a blessing or a test. But which is it? A blessing or a test? What's the reason? I guess it's up to us to decide.

But for now, we try not to think about it, try to diffuse the ticking agitation bomb that pokes at the back of our psyche, until something can be resolved. We try to do the mature thing...or the right thing...or something, anything to move past this horrible awkward stage. I've hurt people before, and to those that I have hurt, I'm sorry. People have hurt me before, and to those that have hurt me, it's okay (or it will be...).

Why do people hurt each other?

I wish people would think before they act.
I wish people would stop hurting other people.

We can't be perfect. That's for sure. People screw up...stuff happens. It's not Leave It To Beaver...and It's not the end of the world.

I'm dealing with some hurt that centers around a certain group of people that I honestly want nothing to do with. We used to be a family. Now we're like this weird cess pool of drama and irritation. It seriously kills me to see our family fall apart.

But, unfortunately, sometimes relationships change for the worse. It just happens. It sucks, but it happens.

Still loving.

K

step.up.down.around.

I think its really interesting how people deal with their problems. I just wanted to breifly touch on how different individuals deal with things. Some people step up, overcome, or bounce back. Some people act like it's the end of the world and God is punishing them. Some people try to avoid it all together, pretend it'll go away by itself. What's the right thing to do? Is it too small of an issue to even bring up, so you let it build up inside you until you finally explode? Is it this mountain of a tragedy that you can't possibly grasp and so you have a nervous breakdown and everything is a soap opera? Do you accept whatever has happened, deal with it, move on, and continue your life? I hope the latter. I try to step up, not down or around. Of course, we all have those low points, crying in our closets or yeling at loved ones, but honestly, doesn't it always get better? Isn't life a gift, instead of something that happens to you? Small problems shouldn't be the end of the world. A bump in the road doesnt define you. A failure or a stumble doesn't make you who you are. Why can't people understand that? I mean, look at the people in Haiti. THEY are the brave ones here. These people have nothing, and their tryin to bounce back from a major disaster that has severly hurt their lives, taken people away from them, destroyed their homes. But look at the spirit out there...trying to overcome this MASSIVE obstacle. How amazing....some people will cry for hours over somethign so trivial, act like every little thing is this horrible occurence. It could always be worse. Always. I think everyone, at some point, will or has stepped up, down and around their problems. Low points are okay. We learn from them, from our mistakes. Without them, how would we have high points? But high points are the best. Think about where we're stepping....up....towards God? He LIFTS us there if we give our problems to Him. You know the song, "Raise me up?" I think about that song when I'm low. He does raise me up...higher than you can imagine. And eventually, He'll raise me to Heaven where there are no earthquakes or broken hearts, no deaths, no injuries, no failed tests or fights with friends....no pain....no low points.

Pray for yourself and for strength. Pray for others and for bravery. Pray for understanding, compassion, love, support. There's always hope in the arms of God.


Thank you, Lord, for every second of my life, even if a few of those precious moments are met with heartache, tears, or pain.

For those having a hard time today:
"Whatever the struggle, continue the climb. It may be only one step to the peak of the summit." -Dianne Westlake

K <3

peace and blessin's

The beach is so peaceful in the winter. When my dad first brought the idea up at dinner a few months ago, I smiled and said, "Yeah, that would be fun, Dad..." But I secretly thought, What are we ever going to do at the beach when it's that cold? Okay, whatever. After pondering it, I decided it woul dbe really nice to get away and just hang out with family, spend some quality time with the folks...you know. But actually, I've found myself adopting a whole new attitude on my upcoming semester...and life in general, I guess.

The beach is a place for relaxation, rejuvination, and reflection. That absolutely holds true in the winter...

I wake in the mornings around 10 a.m. and see no one on the beach. The sun blares on the snow-white sand just outside of my penthouse balcony but the weather man speaking in the background tells me that the temperature is barely touching 35 degrees. Burr. I tend to hide from cold weather, as I am one of those girls who lives for the sun's rays and warm, tropical weather... But something about the quiet beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline...it's healing.

Yesterday morning, I joined my mother out on our giant balcony that overlooks the private beach. She was wrapped up in blankets, reading...listening to the waves and quiet marine powers. I looked down at the blinding sand seven stories beneath us and noticed a woman carrying something tiny, wrapped up in a pink cloth. I immediatly though, "Awww baby's first beach trip!" but I was mistaken. No sooner had she set foot on the sand than a small, yellowish puppy leapt out of the towel and onto the fresh fluff. He bounded around and barked loudly, clearly excited about his new discovery of land. This was a puppy that was barely a month old, if that...and he was loving every minute of his nature experience. I wish we could all be that excited about our experiences. To love every minute of something new, to really take in each moment and each day as if it were our first time discovering, breathing, living it to the very utmost joy we possibly could. I hope I can do that in the future, especially when something gets me down.

I encourage all families to take less-than exciting trips together. It really helps you grow closer...and you begin to appreciate the small stuff...like that tiny baby puppy who loves every minute of his life :)

Appreciating everything God has gladly given me.
K

put a ring on it

"Although we adore men individually, we agree that as a whole they are rather stupid." -Mary Poppins

Not so much stupid...just complicated. Or maybe it's not men...maybe it's love that's complicated. How do you know when you're truly in love? How do you know when something that seems so wonderful will just...erupt? You try and try to pick up the ashes and collect the tattered pieces of a love you once knew but no matter what you do, you can't forget the explosion...you're torn. How do you know when you're giving up an oppertunity to be with the love of your life? You start to grow up, to realize a true reality that is harsher than any infatuation can possibly mask...but the burn from the red hot hurt still fires away at your heart...that's dramatic, I know. But so many of us feel it everyday.

It should be simple. It should be just like the hit Beyonce song, "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it." But it's not simple at all. The person you like never likes you, and there's always someone interested that you couldn't even imagine being with. But somehow, God places two people in the same place at the same time, and they find a perfect love together that only He could create...those people found it, why can't the rest of us?

Chasing love is possibly the stupidest thing a person can do. If you chase it, you'll chase it right down the dark alley of rejection, and you'll never find what you;re looking for. I guess we should let true love find us. It found me once...I'm hoping I'm not too lost and it can find me again.

In the meantime, we date around, figure out what we want in a a life partner, break a few hearts, shed a few tears, take a deep breath, and on to the next one. Isn't that just so exhausting? Hurting each other over and over again? We fall into infatuations only to find out that the feelings of lust and excitement are nowhere near as firey as we would like them to be...either on his side or yours. This is a great quote from the famous book (which EVERY GIRL NEEDS TO READ), He's Just Not That Into You:

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

SO TRUE. And so sad. But as women, we want to be wanted. We want to be taken care of and obsessed over, making sure that the men in our lives appreciate us and want to constantly be around us. But if you press this issue, they'll run away...far, far away. So is the trick to pretend to not care? Should women just simply act apathetic towards the male race and turn the chase around? It is said that men love to chase women, and women love to be chased...so how come there are so many poor girls runnign after players all over the world? Can you say desperate? We should find men that want to chase us, that want us to be around them 24/7, not constantly obsess over the next text, tweet, facebook message, or any other insencere form of communication that the sick bastard might possibly send at 12 a.m. for a quick booty call. SO NOT WORTH IT.

I guess all we can do is love ourselves and those around us, and stop worrying about the stupid men that refuse to accept our affections. Why be desperate when you can be fabulous in your own world? Forget about him. Love your life. Don't worry about finding love, because it will find you...when you're ready. God knows when we're ready.

"Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding..." Proverbs 5:3

Forgive, grow, love.
K

maybe I'm amazed...

"how wonderful life is..."

do any of us ever realize that? how wonderful our lives really are? I am one of the lucky ones. I really am. So before I start complaining and whining about miniscule annoyances, I will say this: my life is FABULOUS. I have fantastic friends, a wonderful, loving family, and a love and support that follows me and fills my soul with light...my Saviour Jesus Christ. I dream, live, breathe, laugh, love to the very fullest. artists are known for their passion; mine is performing. I am an artist, here to entertain, to learn, to give back. I do these things on a daily basis...I'm one of the lucky ones. I wish more people would realize that about their own lives...really take time to stop and think about how fortunate they are in life..yes, we all have hardships, some worse than others, some horrible tragedies. But we live, we move on. we realize that life could be a struggle...or a blessing. It depends on how you look at it. For me, it's one big blessing. The small stuff doesn't seem to matter in the big scheme of things.

"Turbulence is just harmless fun."

Choose joy.
K