really great song I found on my ipod the other day: "Risque" by Cute Is What We Aim For

I got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
And what's a crush to do when he can't get through?
Medically speaking you're adorable
And from what I hear you're quite affordable
But I like them pricey so exaggerate and t-t-t-t-t-t-trick me
Pretty please, just trick me. Pretty please...
I got birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
And what's a crush to do when he can't get through?
I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess
I can't think of things to write down, to type down
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is

Sounds pretty desperate to me. But it also sounds endearing, heartfelt, stricken, starved, passionate, deep, fun, flirty, conniving, scandalous, loving, true. All adjectives that us theatre kids adore. Have someone in mind?

Sitting outside of my chemistry class, wasting time listening to music when I should be doing homework...You know what I miss most? Summer. Driving around with my windows and sunroof down, singing at the top of my lungs to some great song with magnificent swells and beats like "Risque," letting the sun hit my face and the humidity rush into my car like steam out of a kettle. I miss the way my hair feels after I lay in the sun and let the chlorine from the swimming pool sink in, causing the most uncanny golden softness. I miss going out on the boat and jumping into the ice cold lake where the temperature of the water truly takes your breath away... praying a fish doesn't try to nibble off my toes. I miss dancing in the 3rd floor rehearsal room of the Arkansas Rep with zero air conditioning in the middle of July, sweating, smiling, and producing endorphins like you can't even imagine. I miss taking the kids I nanny to museums and movies and zoos. I miss going to movies at night just to feel the freezing cold air hit you in the dark. I miss sleeping with the fan on and the windows open, hearing the crickets and stillness of the heat at night. I miss watching my skin get darker and my hair get lighter in the sunlight. I miss the feeling of climbing to the very top of pinnicle and feeling the breeze hit you over all the treetops of Little Rock. I miss walking up and down the Rivermarket to find trinkets and visit friends at work. I miss riverfest, and the fair, and my home. I miss the smell of my car, and my kitchen, and my room. I miss calling 8000 friends and having an impromptu pool party. All of this is just within reach...only 5 short weeks...And I can guarantee that I WON'T MISS SCHOOL.

I think I have summer fever. Not that I hate UT or anything, I love it. I love my time here, it's wonderful, it's just right now it's so...stressful. And I'm ready for a hot, sticky, fun-filled summer where I can work on my craft and towards my passion rather than simply passing the next chemistry test. You know what I mean? I can spend real time with my old friends and family and really live every day exactly the way I want to live it. My job is amazing, my friends are incredible, and my parents are just...wow. And I only have to worry about one online class. Bliss. This semester is crazy. 20 hours?? What was I thinking? I guess sometimes you have to deal with things you don't want to. That's just how life is. But not anymore. Life is too short to waste your time. We should be enjoying and living and loving and laughing, not...complaining and stressing about things we can't change. Why can't everyone just be happy?

"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?"- Thornton Wilder, Our Town

"So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil, feel like I watch from 6 feet under the soil." Ingrid Michaelson, Starting Now

"Quit hanging on to the handrails . . . Let go. Surrender. Go for the ride of your life. Do it every day." Melody Beattie, "Finding Your Way Home"

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference." Virginia Satir


"What if the hokey-pokey is really what it's all about?" Unknown

Great words to think about,
K

did you know?

Jasmine Mint tea is the best.
I would like to be Bridgitte Bardot.
My hair is naturally large and dark, dark brown.
I have twice the amount of clothes that will fit in both of my closets.
I always have my blackberry in pain sight.
Cottages are cozier than palaces.
I sing in public.
Lamb skin feels like soft cloth.
Betsy can make you laugh when you're at your saddest.
Everything gives you cancer.
Banana peels are not that slippery.
Electric cars really don't help with the pollution problem.
People will put you down whenever they get a chance.
Fake diamonds are just as pretty as real diamonds.
Summer is the happiest season.
We are so lucky to be here.
Our bodies are simply little hotels for our souls.
I want to be cremated when I die.
Sopranos have the best solos.
Smoking WILL kill you.
You can get sunburned through the clouds.
My nails are never done.
A kiss doesn't mean "I love you."
A hug does.
You can stress over stress.
Having one glass of wine a night is better than having 5 glasses on Saturday night.
The greatest thing to hold to in one another.
You can't take it with you.
Life is short.
Smiling is the prettiest thing you could do for your face.
Immaturity is the most unattractive thing about a man.
I feel the best when I'm dancing.
I love avocado.
Bugs are attracted to sweeter perfumes.
So are men.
Honey fixes a sore throat.
Being upset about something you can't change is a waste of time.
If you say something rude about someone, they usually find out.
Diet pills don't work.
Marilyn Monroe gives great advice.
Your parents, teachers, grandparents, mentors, and bosses really do know more than you.
The sun makes your brain produce seratonin.
I'm horrible at chemistry.
Compassion is not just a motherly quality, but a human quality.
There are five love languages....gifts, service, touch, words, and time.
I like touch and time.
Laughter is good for the soul and the abs.
No one can love you like Jesus.

Just things I'm thinking about.
K

busy busy bee

busy, busy, busy.
that's my week coming up. *sigh* actually, I haven't updated in awhile because I've been suck a busy little worker bee lately. newsflash to self: college just keeps getting more intense by the semester. I think I'm going to try to reverse that trend this fall, where I don't kill myself over 21 hours and 8 a.m. classes every day and a bazillion auditions and learning mountains of music and...oh, I'm just writing my own show. Can't say I'm like this huge martyr-driven overacheiver, just a busy, busy bee.

Why do people say that? "Busy bee?" Are bees busy? Honestly, that sounds dumb, but I think they just look busy. I don't think they actually are busy, they just exert so much energy from buzzing around so much. I think the busiest animal would be like a beaver or something...something that constantly hunts and nests and whatnot. Not really a bug...they don't seem to have very interesting lives.

Not to say that busy=interesting. Many a time it is quite the opposite. But right now, its keeping me semi-grounded, away from drama and other stupid goings-on, and makes the good times that much better. I love when everything seems so right...this weekend was like that (right before these insane weeks kick in). My parents visited, I spent time with great people, went to a great workshop, and oh I just freakin love Aly and Betsy. Like seriously, don't know what I would do without those women. Talk about destiny.

Destiny is interesting. I'm a believer. Predetermination is the coolest thing ever. Like God KNOWS what will happen to everyone every second of their lives. I wish there was some way we could know our destiny ahead of time, you know, so us college kids wouldn't have to be like, "AH!" all the time about what we're going to do after we get out of school. That would be great. But then I guess it would take out the mystery, and that's no fun.

This is such a random post. I think I'm super scatterbrained right now with all that's going on. At like 10 things are bopping around my head and I'm like "oh. I need to do that. crap." Don't you hate it when that happens? And then you can't sleep because you're stressed, and then you're mad because you really just need to sleep to prepare for all of these upcoming events, but you can't because your stressed AND pissed off....so you write a blogpost.

Trying to sleep,
K

favorites.

I have really great friends. Not just great friends, but a great FAMILY. A family to come home to, a group of people so amazing and unique and different and fun and trusting and loving and kind and hilarious and incredible that it just makes me sit back in awe at their beautiful spirits and how I could be so fortunate to know all of these wonderful people. So smart, so generous, so full of life. It's like coming home again. Home isn't really home without these people...which makes me wonder, can I ever make a new home? I mean, home is where the heart is...and your heart is with the people you love...so in that case, my home is in Texas, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and New York? Or maybe they stay with you...so I have a little piece of them wherever I go, to make things easier. But then you go to a new place and make new friends, and when you separate...they're always with you. Your home never leaves you. Does that make sense? I guess it does to me.
Susie. Nicole. Hannah. Charity. Bridget. Conly. Ashley. Abby. Sophie. Lori. Katie. Kyle.
BETSY. Ashlee. Aly. Maggie. Lindsay. Audrey. Marjorie.

For you
K

growth

We all have too much on our plates. There's always something to finish, to start, to work on. There's papers. Books. Tests. Homework. Phone calls. Appointments. Meetings. Responsibility. How do we get it all done in one day? A lot of the time, we don't. We let things slip by in order to other things (for me, it's usually to sleep...) But we have to do what's important...A lot of people believe "we must prioritize our lives to so that we are successful." I say, we must prioritize our lives to be happy. What makes you happy? Is your life fulfilling you? Is all the daily junk that you deal with day after day REALLY working for you? Maybe it's time to prioritize.

These are mine:

1. God

2. Me

3. My family, friends, and loved ones

4. School

Yesterday I had about a thousand things to do, but I needed to take care of me first. Sometimes you just have to say "Enough!!" and make sure you're okay. I was stressed, homesick, and starved for refuge. So I spent some time in prayer, in meditation, and I just...relaxed. It did wonders. Then I spent a lot of time with some of my favorite people, had a great weekend, worked through some stuff, and I feel like a new woman today. Now I can take care of all the junk I have to do (like a Spanish midterm..ack.) A lot of people (mostly parents) would say that school needs to come first. But if I'm not okay, I won't be able to focus on anything having to do with school.

Are you doing okay? Is school getting to you? Or is it stress from a relationship? Stop and make sure you're okay, make sure they're okay, and talk to God about it. He always listens and constantly yearns for your words. Spring Break is just around the corner and it might be a great time to just chill yourself out and really dig deep into what makes YOU happy. Then do it. And get all your junk done.

Still loving life,

K.

HOL' UP.

I keep having these dreams about my future. I'm in this adorable little house, with my husband. The first one is where we are having a party with all of our friends, celebrating something and laughing for hours. I'm about 25 years old, somewhere in a little neighborhood, newly married. The second one was a little scarier....I'm in the same house a few years later, sitting at the kitchen table, grading tests...maybe lower school or middle school level. A little girl around three runs up to my legs and squeezes them tightly...she looks exactly like me. As I hug my daughter, I think out loud to my husband (who is cooking dinner) about what Bible verses I'm going to cover in small group next Sunday because I'm worried about one of the girls and her relationship. I glance down at my left ring finger as my husband gives me his ideas. I never see his face, but I know I am deeply, passionately in love with him, my job, my family, my church, my God, and my LIFE.

WAITJUSTAMINUTE. So...I'm married, with a daughter, teaching little kids, leading small group at a church, in a cute little house, in Suburbia, U.S.A...WHAT THE HECK.

I've always had dreams of stardom, or struggle to become the best, to sing my heart out. But now all I can think about is that future of a family and serving others through God and teaching.
I don't know if I'm in a funk or if I just don't know where I belong, but I know one thing...I was happy. So happy in my dream that I am seriously considering giving up my dream of Broadway to have a stable, healthy life with a family and money and all the things normal people have. (You see...there are theatre people, and there are normal people. That's just the way it is.) Of course I would never give up my passion and I'm sure I'll always be involved with it somehow, but maybe I'm not cut out to do the starving-artist thing. I mean, come on, a girl's gotta eat.

I think I'm growing up.
Crap.

K

no time

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

SPRING. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (That was a sigh of relief, folks.)

I haven't written in forever. I have no time. My life is one big multitask.
But it's still fabulous ;)
And SPRING is coming!!!! Which means SUMMER is coming!!!!!

......WHICH MEANS I GET MY LIFE BACK.

Oh, Spring Break. You save me.

I seriously think I have Vitamin D deficiency. The sun finally came out....I think my mood went from average to i-freaking-love-life at the exact same time.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. ~Doug Larson

MORE SOON. MUST GO AND WRITE PAPER.

love. flowers. sunshine.
K